These past months I’ve see a rise in the number of advocates for single-hood (me inclusive), and it’s been fulfilling to see how much people have started embracing single hood without viewing it as a vice or a tumor that needs to be eliminated.
The main idea behind the rise in singleness campaigns is to reduce the rate of failed relationships, encourage self love and knowledge, reduce dependency on others and enhance the general well being of individuals.
This has the advantage to not only improve self awareness, esteem and dependency, but also expand the numbers of long term and successful healthy relationships. A relationship is best off when both people are single and happy individually and don’t “need” each other for survival.
We all need to be around people we love to truly enjoy life and it’s offerings; no one can survive in isolation; however, it becomes scary and uncomfortable when someone makes you a demi-god and needs you for any form of survival.
Life is scary and uncertain enough for everyone, and it is extremely exhausting having someone depend on you for their needs 24/7. At times infatuation shows itself in this light (reason why it doesn’t last long, one person feels chocked by an overly needy partner and flees after a while).
We can enjoy the company of others without necessarily draining them dry and being a burden (both in intimate and other relationships). Weather single or in a love-ship, happiness is sure if you surround yourself with people who help you grow and make you happy (friends, parents, spouses, children etc).
Not everyone is meant to be in an intimate relationship or better still get married at all; this does not imply that such people can’t be happy.
Matthew 19:12 better elucidates this.
“For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so.” (good news translation)
If someone chooses to follow the path of single-hood they should be viewed and treated with the same level of respect as those in marriages, courtship and other intimate relationships.
We should learn to respect people’s choices most especially when it comes to love and relationships.
Being single comes with a lot of benefits no doubt. But so far, the benefits have been overly magnified making it seem as though those in relationships are missing out on a 100% profit from investment (being single), without any risks or bad days.
Just in case you are planning to jump into singleness based on the fun facts online or from friends (or me ^-^), I urge you to read through for a few more minutes.
A lot of people have not enjoyed their single journeys due to the embellishment of it’s pros and the minimization of the cons.They jump in and get frustrated once the tides turn grey and reality sparks.
Lets look at a few reasons why you should consider single-hood;
1- It gives you ample time to date yourself
Being in a relationship means you have decided to get to know a new person, people are complicated and it takes time to get to fully know someone. It is extremely difficult to discover the real you while trying to figure out someone else. Being single gives you the opportunity to date yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses and amend them if need be; and most importantly determine the kind of partner that suits your person.
2- If offers you opportunities to make self reliant decisions
Healthy relationships are partnerships with combined opinions when it comes to decision making, which means you have to consult your partner more than you wish to; this is sometimes stressful to many people as they may have different views on some issues with their partner; thus arousing conflicts.
When you are on a single ride, you become the sole proprietor of your decisions and consequences. This gives you a sense of maturity and responsibility; most especially, it makes you take full responsibility for your actions without having to pass the blame on someone close.
3- Freedom to go on dates with different people
If you are in a serious relationship, going on dates with new people won’t be as frequent as it may have been before; sometimes, you may need to consult you partner get approvals and all that. Single persons can go on numerous dates and flirt any way they deem fit. They are accountable to no one and enjoy that freedom of spontaneity and variety.
4- Time to explore hubbies and new interests
Spending time with your significant other may hinder you from carrying out many activities. Single people can use this time to learn a new language, trade, getting a new hubby or just getting some free time off to reflect.
5- Minimize spending
Dates are expensive both for men and women alike and being in a relationship gives you one or two more responsibilities out of your norm. Shrinking back to single hood however, helps cut all those extra costs.
6- Enjoy the peace,quiet time, and embrace spirituality
We all need peace and quiet sometimes, that can be very far fetched if you are in a relationship. As a single bird, you have the luxury to lay in your nest happily and enjoy your lone time. Hey!..you also get to run away from the long sleepless nights after a fight, the only people single people stress over is themselves 😊😊(most often than not though).
Most importantly, it give you ample time to explore spirituality and increase your connection with God or what ever higher power you believe in.
It sounds all sweet and silky right? I’m sure you’re feeling like jumping into the single boat! Well just take a minute before you make that decision.
Based on my experience and interacting with others, it’s not mistaken to say that single hood can be quite annoying, frustrating and downright depressing with different faces such as;
There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. When you are single, you feel both sometimes no matter how much you try to fight it. This feeling is more frequent when you find yourself in the mist of love birds i.e via social media, shops, restaurants, bars etc.
There is no one person who won’t admit to feeling a little lonely and questioning their decision to be single for a moment. The need for companionship is embed-ed in everyone and can sometimes be a very devastating feeling.
2- Miss intimate sex with a loved one
I specified on intimate sex with a loved one because single people sometimes have casual sex with random strangers or people of the same circle. However that paucity of bonding and feeling of being wanted, not just for a the night strains a lot of singles mentally. We all love being Pampered by someone whom we know isn’t just there short term.
3- Most people think something is wrong with you:
Raise your had if people look at you as crazy when you tell them you are single (most especially if you are successful and or good looking).This is a common phenomenon in our African society (don’t know about other continents, ive never been there hihi).
Most people believe you being single means you are either too proud and selective, a cultist (if you are rich)or you may just generally have a distasteful personality that send away suitors.
4- You overwork yourself
Being in a relationship gives you time to relax and take time away from work especially if you enjoy the company of your significant other. The best friend to most single people is their work; they find themselves working long hours and taking on projects they normal would not have taken on. Working and exploring is good, however, anything that crosses the moderation line becomes an issue.
5- You easily run into depression:
Human beings were never wired to be alone, we all need companionship and someone to share with once in a while. Singles have a higher probability to fall into depression (particularly those with little or no friends/family circles, than those in a relationship.
Time spent alone and in thoughts may dive into patterns of regret thinking and eventually depression. As a single person, the best way to avoid this pit is by keeping yourself busy with hubbies, friends and other social activities that uplift your spirit.
Are you single or do you wish to be ? what other point do you think can be extended as the pros and cons of singles? Please do share your thoughts in the comment section.
Thanks for reading!