It’s very hard for me to say I’m sorry… but I do.
I stared at them for about 3 minutes, frozen still. Wondering how I will spill out the 3 most dreaded words, “I am sorry”. My lips got stock, like glue on a paper; and in that mili-second I was expected to voice out the long awaited apology. All eyes moved focus from every thing else to me, like I was about to utter the words of saving grace upon a dying soul. I wasn’t exactly with them in the moment, my mind had gone on a voyage in a bit to find a just reason to apologize. My search was fatal, I finally settled on the sad reality that there was no reason to say those words; however, I had to budge, whether I felt that way or not.
I needed about a day or two to come back to myself after I said sorry. A serious pain hit my chest and something precious taken away without my consent. I guess that’s how one is supposed to feel when they are asked to apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong.
A lot of people believe apologies take away nothing from you. Guilty, I though so too. Until I was put on the spot, asked to apologize for something I didn’t believe was wrong. After that day, my belief changed and I knew without a doubt that apologies, especially those given for no just cause, take away something delicate. It breaks your self esteem, and leaves you thinking you values have been tossed out the window. There is this feeling of worthlessness that creeps in and for a moment, you feel as though your life was in the hands of people who consciously squeeze you dry without wariness.
I was the “sacrificial lamb” to ensure that the others had a happy life, or at-least so it seemed. It hurt, but at the end of the day, someone had to make the hard call and the vote fell on me. If the opportunity comes knocking on your door anytime soon, my advice is simple; think beyond yourself and make the right choice for you. Why is it so important to say “I am sorry” you may ask, why can’t the other person just swallow what happened, or ignore it and move on without hard feelings?
Well, an ideal world might be one in which people don’t hold grudges and if they do, it disappears instantly. But sadly, we live in a world far from perfection. In it, people like you and I have angry egos demanding something to be appeased; which might range from apologies to favors etc. depending on those involved. In the game of egos and rights/wrongs, the first to apologize is viewed as the weaker party, reason why most people insist on it.
On the contrary, those who apologize are the stronger ones, as it takes a lot of self sacrificing, maturity and strength to step down and say “I am sorry”. Particularly in instances where they did no wrong. If you are in such a situation,a deep feeling of hurt may sneak in, that’s quite normal as your ego battles the seemingly degrading decision you just made. This entire process may be hard but it builds your personality, exposes you to a new dimension of emotions and character you haven’t experienced before. Most importantly, it attracts the respect of others within and out of your circle.
If “sorry” is draining, what can one do when faced with a situation and expected to apologize for something they are not guilty of. Well, the answer is not as easy as the question. Apologies are hard when you are wrong, talk-less of when you wear the “not guilty” hat. I can’t tell you what is right,but remember, when put on the spot to apologize, look at the bigger picture; consider others who may be affected negatively by your resistance. Weigh your odds and with all assertion, take your stand.
Start today, think, and when you are certain, Just say SORRY.
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