The Journey of Being ME!

The untold tales of ME

Growing up I was taught to be strong,act right and take the bull by the horn. Showing distress and weakness wasn’t among the numerous bags of options.

I learned to smile while others cry, hope in the face of distress, walk upright even when the odds turned dry and most importantly Never Show my true weaknesses and in doing these I’ll thrive.

I felt sometime smart but mostly powerful as I glided through situations others got stuck into. I was sharp enough to jumped over pits others got trapped in and found solutions to problems most were attached in.

Supper human isn’t exactly how I felt, pride doesn’t come close to describing that feeling of achievement, it felt like walking on egg shells. Everything was figured out and we’ll planned by me and sometimes my alter ego covered the soars on my feet and ignored the truth of my mind’s deceits.

I anticipated the odds before they arrived and never had ample time to weep through failures, mourn or wonder why life had different stripes.

I Was the Blessed one, the always happy one; at least from without.

I shut the door to the real me before I got to know me. Everyone who came at dawn saw a shadow of my real self; it was perfect, void of all blemish and a force to jealously reckon with.

No one asked why I was hurting, because no one saw the hurt hidden within, behind the jokes and the smiles, were cracks and cries. My goal was always to lookout for others even with the peck stuck in my eyes.

Young and brilliant, I was deceived, that what I was bestowed with, will save me from all the dirt i concealed.

They envied me, but they didn’t know me, all they saw was the well sculptured version of a diseases soul. Stuck with thoughts of the old and cast into a far threshold.

It’s Okay not to cry I told myself, your strong and can make it through!

That is what kept me going, the optimism and assurance even in the face of stagnation, that’s all I could afford, no one gave me more.

I experienced failure like everyone else, just didn’t conform to the standards the rest of the world held.

I am me in good times and the bad, in the sunlight and the storm!

But I believe I am not the best I could have been, the tears I never cried and the emotions I never showed broke me from within.

It took away my innocence and left me with a heart beyond my experience.

So that faithful day, I cried, cried out everything I held inside, everything that took away the child in me and made me ME. I cried for my lost tears, for the un-shared fears, the missed frustrations and the squandered years.

But still I rose, and moved on from all demise, into a better and brighter sunrise, I believe the sun heard my cries.

Now I am turning a new page, one with more grace and less rage, one that sees beyond the boarders of cheap praise but dwells in solace

I am rebooted and I hope my story will be told in a future age

Not as a sad tragedy, but as a bittersweet melody, that rose by the graveyard, later refurbish and lived a life all deemed worthy!

I want to be remembered, but not like everyone else

Because…. I AM ME!

Thanks for reading the thoughts of someone who has no idea why you are still reading this..lol crazy thoughts of a twenty-something.

A one-time Business Developer who fell for writing — lover of life. Pursuing MA in Communication.*Ghostwriter, content creator: contact me: Twitter @joanamanwi

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