The Ideal MAN
As a twenty something year old young woman, my expectations of a future husband are pretty high. At least I thought they were high enough, until I heard a few women talk about the ideal man on their gigantic list. Do not get me wrong, it is very important to have expectations and a vision of the kind of person you see yourself with, and most importantly how you plan to live, love, and grow. However, what women today are engaging in, in the name of a list is both hilarious and outrageous; a sort of bittersweet blend of emotions if I must say.
It’s no surprise to hear women say thing like my man must have a masters or PhD, he should be 6 feet tall, earn at least six figures to be able to sponsor our luxurious wedding. Oh yes, he should also be from my tribe and have nice teeth….did I forget he needs to be good looking, romantic and not a workaholic? cuz I need him to have time for me. OKAY… just noted that too. Did you just say you want a rich man who isn’t a workaholic? how will one make such money without working….real hard? bref..lets pass on that. Before I get into details, let me just say this plain and simple,
women the ideal and perfect man that will fit 100% in that list of yours “Does Not Exist!”
I would love to give you all statistics on African men but let us skip that for now and get into the issue at hand. To begin, these “ideal men” you want represent just about 1% or less in the entire male folk. Just think for a second, how many Dangotes do we have in Africa? How many men have Davido’s status to get his woman a Porsche as a present? How many are even 6 feet tall? Let me narrow it down a little, how many men in your circle have a monthly income of at least 5 million CFAF? Just a quick awakening, the average yearly income for Cameroonians is about 586 000 CFAF. How does your ideal man fit in the realities of our country and continent? We are yet to get into the number of men in prisons, seminaries & those who prefer other men as a spouse (something I’m yet to fathom).
Yes, I know about our dear bush fallers; at least they MAY have more money than our local men, or better still a scammer who can hit the 5 million margin or more in just a week… Wow, smart move! U just stepped out of the norm and got the men who can makeup that list, hhahhahah high five.
Scammers, bush fallers and the multi-millionaire businesspersons are most often good looking and money dripping; exactly what you are looking for.
On the flip side let’s look at our dear women with such high expectations, most are first and foremost jobless, yes as in zero income source, even mami planti and plum has a more stable financial life than them. Some on a lucky day have a first degree or less, but are looking for a man with a PhD earning six figures……hmmmm. Did I forget to tell you most of these women do not look like super models? At least if a man has to leave all the first class women in his entourage to be with you, you should be special, rare and damn right dripping sexy. However, no, you are just the regular person who looks nothing like those flat belly video vixens most men will kill for.
That said, when it comes to finding a life partner, you need more than just a cute face and a bag of money to make a relationship work. The issue with most of us women is this; we have such high standards that shut out good men, who may just be the perfect men we need. We are all guilty of refusing a harmless date with a person just because he looks a certain way, has a certain kind of job, not from a specific social class or tribe or just not cute enough. We kill the opportunity to get to know someone based on shallow variables which don’t matter in the long-run.
The men we dream of are mostly out of our league and extremely hard to find. A real relationship is not formed on the liabilities listed on those pages but on assets such as your spiritual beliefs, goals, value systems, morals etc. Most of these Idris Elba looking guys you dream of are either married, f*ck boys or single guys who may not want you. This leaves everyone with a limited list of men to choose from.
Two types of men exist, the rest are just detailed variations of these two distinct groups i.e. husband material and f*ck boys. Most sexy looking, goose bump giving lads, are really not looking for the same things as you; most want just a good time and nothing long-term. The husband materials are not always everything on that lists, but they sure are the right ones who will treat you like queen you truly are. And yes, those good men are not faraway, they are comfortably placed on your friend zone couch; go get them out.
Women on a high-income level mostly seek men on the same or higher income ladders, with certain social and financial achievements, which is quite understandable. Nevertheless, when it comes to finding true love, such trivial issues should not be the first non-negotiable issues. What surprises me most is that, a lot of men have a very short list of wants when it comes to a partner. Even if a woman is on the lowest social and financial ladder than they are, a man will still go for her as long as she fits his needs. A woman on the other hand needs her long checklist ticked to the very last, before she considers a suitor.
Just in case you find yourself jumping from one failed relationship to another, or drastically single though seriously searching; get to that cupboard, pull out the 10 feet bucket list and start striking out those unnecessary qualities. Edit the list based on your realities, then work towards finding a man in the real world, not fantasy-land. Thank me latter when the results are fruitful.
Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real Thomas Merton
Thanks for reading!