Failing Upwards: Why you should see problems as stepping stones.

A few years back, I was hit with the most unimaginable blow anyone at that time would have experienced. Even though I spent a few days crying and reflecting on what i may or may not have done wrong, one thing remained vivid in my mind; I Needed to find a way out of the pit I found myself.

I’m sure everyone has had this down moment once or twice in their lives, be it an unexpected death, failed relationship, lost job, a betrayal and all what not. We have all had a sour taste of the feeling of emptiness, regret, hopelessness and more. It is in these moments that a lot of vivid thoughts of the situation run through our minds, and what we could have done to avoid it. Rarely do we think in those moments about what we can do to get out of this state and if possible completely turn the situation around.

I know you are telling yourself “ I did think of solutions to the problem at that time” yes you did, but what kind of solutions did you think of? were they solutions that would permanently get you out of your present predicament or toast you out into a bigger ocean of difficulties. The answer to this question is pertinent in finding a long lasting solution of any issue that bothers your heart.

The secrete to making the right decision lies in evaluating the pros and cons of your actions i.e “how you will feel about your choice a few years from now” your answer gives you a go-ahead to accept or reject your options. In this shamble of emotion and rampant thoughts, we usually forget to look at the problem in front of us as a stepping stone to greatness; rather we see only the worst of events in display, thus ignoring the stones finely place for us to climb up to our desired thrones.

We have all been in such situations and once or twice and we ignored the beauty in the storm. We need to cultivate the habit of looking at the good that stems out of every mishap, this is one of the secrets of a fulfilled and happy life. WHY? it’s simple! if you find gold after having to look through tons of dirt and filth, you feel more fulfillment which surpasses the disgust your experienced while in the dirt. Life gives back to you what you accept from it, if you choose to feel frustrated about a situation, life gives you that in it’s abundance; on the other hand if you chose to acknowledge challenges and see opportunities, life offers you a hand full of options and stones for elevation.

Failing upward entails not conforming to the standards of this world, not giving up over every failure or paying back and insult with a “clap back or back lash”. It means focusing on the good that can be tapped from the stream of hate and despair and use it for good. It takes both maturity and grace to be able to overlook hurtful circumstances, this is where many of us fall short and make regretful decisions.

Decide to fail upward and move into a more healthy living by accepting unpleasant occasions and developing lasting solutions to ameliorate the problems.

You must be wondering “what’s the need to look for good in a bad situation, what good can be in you loosing your husband, job, relationship or a huge investment which had all your savings”. Justified, hat you have been through is extremely hurtful and you have the right to weep all day; but if you lost just your job, you still have to be thankful for the strength to go get a better and more fulfilling job, or better still start your own business. If you lost a spouse, be thankful for the memories you shared and the fact that you are still alive. We always have something to be grateful for which helps us to grow and appreciate every phase we pass through in life.

A story was told about two women who lost their husbands, one spent her days weeping on her late husband’s grave. She left her children and the husband’s business and focused on morning for her beloved husband. Months came and went and she felt more resentment towards life and those around her, before long, she sent away her beloved friends and family with her repulsive attitude. By the end of the year she had no friends, no money, no husband and nothing productive to do with her life.

While the first woman was busy lamenting on her predicaments, the second lady however took her husbands departure an opportunity to grow and achieve all the dreams they had together. She spent her days growing he’s business, taking care of their children and learning about everything her husband knew through building good relationships with he’s friends and business partners. Before long, she had a flourishing business, a happy family and knowledge about her husband’s business and interests which she could pass down to her children.

Both women were interviewed and the first was asked how she was surviving without her beloved husband, she burst in tears and explained how unfair life has been to her ever since he died. “I've lost everything” she replied in deep agony “ life has been so unfair to me ever since he left”. The second woman however replied; “ I feel closer to my husband now more than ever” after he left i took upon myself to learn what he loved and achieve the dreams we had together. Learning he’s trade and growing our business made me understand the king of person he was and appreciate he’s efforts. I don’t regret him leaving, even though I miss him, I believe he left so that I could get closer to him in ways only I can comprehend.

This story depicts vividly an instance of failing upwards. Both women were in the same position, but one decided to make good out of her predicament while the other spent her days lamenting over what she could never change. Life gives to us exactly what we give send forth, always try your best to develop a positive attitude towards life and she will smile at you.

Being happy doesn’t mean having things your way all the time, rather it entails accepting the unpleasant and growing to better heights from the predicament.

Always have a positive attitude towards life and be grateful because you have no idea of the demons others are fighting with in silence.

A one-time Business Developer who fell for writing — lover of life. Pursuing MA in Communication.*Ghostwriter, content creator: contact me: Twitter @joanamanwi