It takes months to plan a breakup, I don’t believe in people just falling apart without any prior intentions lingering around waiting for the right time to strike. The day I finalize these plans nothing can hinder me from moving on, irrespective of how I feel.
Relationships are complicated, and breakups usually mean one person is tired of trying, or maybe both are but only one is bold enough to say it out. Whatever the scenario, breaking up with someone you’ve created memories with is hard and for most people an impossible ordeal.
Many of us struggle from over-attachment, getting away from a relationship feels so hard that at times we end up going right back in. In a bid to fight this, I developed a strategy of my own that has proven effective so far; even though my friends don’t seem to agree with it.
Before any break-up, I create a list of pros and cons; I did this mentally but later on, I decided to write it down so I could go back to it and edit before taking a stand. This sounds crazy to most people but it gives me a clear vision of the relationship and indicates if my input into the union is worth it.
The ideal scenario is to stay away from the person without seemingly acting like enemies. But in reality, social media makes this difficult; my best bet is to block the person everywhere possible and also take out a few hours to delete pictures of anything that reminds me of them.
The goal is to erase them completely from my immediate environment.
In the words of Henry Ward “Too much looking backward … is bad for progress”.
When it comes to breaking up, the best method should come from you.
I’ve read countless opinions on how to break up amicably and still keep a healthy relationship that sounds good in theory. Most people I know who tried keeping a friendship of any kind with their ex, especially immediately after a breakup tend to fall into the dreaded “breakup today makeup tomorrow” cycle.
This practice puts people in a confusing state with their relationship status being moved from “now single” to “ it’s complicated” repeatedly.
Things may escalate beyond their control caused by the need to play the “mature card” and stay friends with someone they just can’t be “friends” with.
Being aggressive with a breakup is the best way to go. Acting as though you are enemies may seem immature to onlookers but it works. It’s hard to try to be lovey-dovey and all friends with someone you clearly still feel for.
STOP looking back!!!! When your past calls do NOT pick up!! it has nothing new to say.
If your past is that good, why then is it your past? What is so special about that person that you need to be glued to them in one way or another? If you really want to make progress then it’s best to stop looking back when your past calls, do not pick up; it obviously has nothing new to say.
It’s preferable to stay away from the person. When I get the opportunity to see my ex in public, the most we can exchange is a cordial greeting of “Hellos and Hi” as I would give a stranger; nothing more.
I avoid discussions on “how have you been” because honestly speaking, I don’t care to know. I get uncomfortable when anyone tries starting up a conversation just for the sake of it and that is exactly how I might sound.
Somethings take time including healing after a breakup. Time away gives me the opportunity to forgive, forget and deal with any issues I have; most importantly, I get to meet new people without being emotionally attached to someone in my past. Even when all fails, I still have a glass of red wine to keep me company.
Red wine is Tasty — But That Wasn’t the Only Reason I Drank it Every Night
There was more to my love for wine than I told.
If we break up, you don’t exist. At least not in my phone or social media timelines.
Wondering why I stick to this method despite what others think? well here are a few reasons:
It helps me focus on the present:
After a breakup, it’s pretty easy to fall back into the trap of reminiscing about what was or what could have been. Blocking your ex everywhere helps you avoid their pictures, messages or anything that reminds you of them and to an extent, gives you the opportunity to focus on what is happening to you now.
Your worries are moved from what could have been, to what is now, and how you can I move past it. It’s the best time to be in touch with your emotions.
Forgetting the person is faster and less dramatic
Our memory is very powerful, if stimulated, it will pour out a ton of information we didn’t even know existed. But if left dormant, it will slowly fall into sleeping beauty mode and not bother us with unrequired information.
Seeing the picture of a loved one brings back old memories and avoiding any contact with a person be it virtually or physically can greatly help in eliminating the person from your conscious and subconscious mind.
I get to work on and rediscover myself
A relationship is no place for a selfish soul. I and Me only exist when you are single, once in a relationship, one’s priorities shift from I to us.
Staying far away from an ex gives you the room to re-establish your “selfishness” and focus more on what you want to do without worrying about how it affects someone else. This is the best time to travel, try out new hobbies and basically just live and let live.
Getting attached to someone new is made easy
Have you ever been on a date with someone who couldn't stop talking about their ex? No one needs a soothsayer to tell what that means; they are obviously still emotionally attached whether they accept it or not.
Attachments won’t go away if there’s still a string holding it together no matter how small. Cutting off an ex completely for the longest time possible helps kill the invisible attachments and gives you the opportunity to explore and get to know new people…who knows, you may build brand new and better attachments.
I can be more civil with them when next we meet
It felt way better dealing with meeting my Ex after a long time apart. At this point, I had moved on and there was little or no reason to act insensitively.
We had a simple cordial greeting and a superficial conversation which could have been extremely difficult had I met him a few days or weeks after the breakup.
When it comes to breaking up, the best method should come from you and not from those around you. Yes, others will voice out their opinions of how they believe things should or ought to be, but we all know it’s easy to judge and suggest solutions without walking a mile in other’s shoes. No one can really give you the best solution but yourself.
Thanks for Reading.
Here’s more from me.
The Fun Thing About Falling for Someone Like Yourself
Nothing seems perfect but everything feels right!
5 Messaging Habits that Make People Walk Away from You.
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